It can be quite disturbing having forbidden thoughts and images about family members and that too when it is something out of your control. A very common theme of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is Sexual Obsessions. Due to its secretive and shameful nature people usually do not disclose it like any other mental illness. The happy news is that this theme is very prevalent across the globe and is seen in all ages and gender. The most common question a person has for himself is “Am I a pervert to be thinking like this about my sister?”
What are sexual obsessions?
Obsessions are thoughts/images or urges which keeps on repeating in a person’s mind like a tape record. These obsessions are unwanted and unwelcomed. They are illogical and irrelevant in nature but can create a great deal of discomfort to the person experiencing it. These obsessions can have various themes, sexual theme is one of them.
A person with sexual obsessions can have sexual images, urges or thoughts which are forbidden, immoral or shameful. These obsessions keep on tormenting the person and questioning his character.
The most common sexual thoughts and images which are considered forbidden, a person can get are:
- A man getting thoughts of having sex with his mother.
- A woman having thoughts of raping one of his children, a little boy.
- A young man who has unwanted and significantly distressing thoughts of fondling and having sex with his cousin sister.
- A girl having images of her mother in a sexual act with a stranger or herself.
- A person having images of a family member focusing on their genitals and fear of touching them in reality.
- A man having images of himself sexually caressing his own daughter.
The above mentioned are the sexual obsessions one can experience, as we can see the nature of these obsessions are highly sensitive and guilt inducing that most often people don’t report it at the first place, after all who wants to be feel judged? The most important reminder here is, these images, thoughts and urges are actually obsessions which means they are unwanted and therefore do not reflect your personal preference or choice.
These obsessions are involuntary and therefore cannot be stopped. Any effort utilized in stopping them instead paradoxically increases the intensity and frequency of these thoughts and images.
How do you know if this is your fantasy or sexual obsession?
Sexual fantasies are opposite to sexual obsessions. Fantasies are generally pleasant, harmless and relatively guilt free. They can reflect unfulfilled wishes of sexual experiences. Sexual fantasies are considered normal part of growing up and an indication of sexual desire. They can be voluntarily controlled or modified according to our preference.
On the other hand sexual obsessions are strikingly involuntary, unwanted, and undesirable and most of the times induce shame and guilt. A person doesn’t really enjoy it, in fact they can feel miserable.
Should you feel guilty for thinking this way?
A person experiencing these sexual obsessions can feel guilt due to the nature of these obsessions. These obsessions create a lot of emotional turmoil in a person manifested as being sad, disturbed, and angry on oneself and a lot of doubts. However it is important to note that these obsessions do not define you and one must therefore get rid of guilt.
A phenomenon called Thought-Action Fusion occurs which is that a mere thought or image of sexual content is severe enough to produce the same amount of guilt which would originate after doing that sexual act. Thought and action are fused.
In short, you aren’t thinking about sexual content regarding your mother/brother or sister intentionally, it is automatically generated therefore you aren’t accountable for this. OCD is creating these images and thoughts. Therefore it’s not your choice or fault, thus, you can be guilt free!!!
What should you do to get rid of these thoughts?
These thoughts create this intense fear along with anxiety. A person can feel restless to stop these thoughts. The most essential thing to note is, the more you try to stop them, the more they will pop up from all directions. Most of the times (not necessarily always), people indulge in undoing behavior known as compulsions in order to get relief. The most common ones (in sexual obsessions) are saying sorry, shrugging their head, praying, counting mentally, asking their family repeatedly if they did anything wrong. By doing so they can get some relief but temporarily, compulsions usually increase the obsessions in future.
These intrusive thoughts are like waves you sit back and watch them rise and fall from a distance!
There is a ray of hope!
OCD affects millions of us across the globe, and there are evidence based treatments available. You can actually get rid of it. The first line management of OCD is a therapy called ERP (Exposure and Response Prevention), this is based on the principal of habit formation which simply means facing your fears in a supervised manner and cutting down on compulsions. People do come out with full recovery with both psychological and medicine based treatment!
Conclusion
Getting unwanted, intrusive sexual thoughts, images or urges about your family members including mother, father, brother and sister can be extremely disturbing and guilt provoking. This is one of the many themes of, obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Getting these obsessions does not reflect your personal choice or character, they are automatically driven and you can have no control over them. However, you can sit back and challenge your thoughts towards zero guilt and not trying to stop these thoughts.
If you are looking for professional help you can check out these helplines and resources below. http://www.aasra.info/helpline.html https://www.befrienders.org/